Bliss

I can't remember the last time that I've been this happy.

Bitch.

I got a new dog.

 

Her name is Jackie-O. Let's not get carried away with 'awws' or 'she's so cute'. She is a BEAST. Her style is impetuous, her defense is impregnable, and she's just ferocious. She wants your heart. She wants to eat your children. Praise be to Allah!

Okay. 

Maybe she's not a killer after all.

This picture is not doing her justice at all.

My name will be the death of me

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet: don't do business in the hood.

Fuck the hood.

I went to purchase a new phone recently. Sounds like a pretty simple process right? Wrong. I searched online for the nearest T-Mobile store in my area and bam! There's one about 2 minutes away.

So I head over and I'm greeted by a guy that looks like this:

Rep - Whuss yo name?
Me - Rah-duh-mes.
Rep - Vladamir?
Me - What?
Me - RAHDUHMES.

I handed him my license so he could accurately input my address and...full name. Was that helpful? Nope! I found out that he misspelled my name after I called customer service to find out WHY I'm being billed (3) times for my first month bill. Oh yeah, I'm being billed (3) times.

So I'm trying to figure out how this mess was created and the customer service representative tells me that Radames Cruz Jr is not the primary account user's name.

-________________-

So I hung up and went to my.t-mobile.com and saw that my billing name was listed as "VLADIMIR CRUZ".

Sigh.

Uncle Wes

Parking - $10
Infield Box tickets - $8 (ftw!)
Large Pepsi - $5
Experiencing your first walk off home run - PRICELESS.



PS: Yes, there were only about 200 people there. Shut up.

Fuck yeah, caps lock!

I'm sick as a dog at work and annoyed as usual. Click email to enlarge:  

 1. STOP! Grammar time!

   

 2. Oh! You can circle yes or no via email? Is this a new feature I didn't know about? One more email:

We made a truce: I'll practice the word *respect* if she promises to stop butchering the English language.

You go?

Have I said how much I love my job?

I love it.

Do you believe me?

I'll leave an email with you guys this morning.

Enjoy.

National Idiots Day

I'm annoyed today. Only today? Yeah, shut up.

I was going to write about Sneaker Pimps 2009 / Miami - which was a success. But instead I'm going to tell you about Captain Obvious and her crew of flunkies.

I work in Purchasing. If you've been paying attention to my last few posts - you would see that I got stuck with being in charge of handling the pay-on-foot station that is located in our parking garage. It's the dumb machine in a parking garage that you take your ticket to, pay and gtfo. 

The busiest days in the garage are Mondays and Tuesdays. It can get pretty hectic. Captain Obvious is the "Garage Supervisor"...which means that she's one of two workers in the booth and is slightly less autistic than the other. I'll just refer to her as CO.

CO - Remember, today is Monday. Make sure everything is set.

Man. How do you respond to that by not drop kicking someone in the face?

Usually, I don't give her too much attention. But today is different. I think today was a surprise National Holiday for Idiots. And a big ceremony was held at the garage. No one notified me of this illustrious event and you guessed it - no one brought me any cake.

So, luck lands on my side and I don't see CO for most of the morning...which is fantastic.

But she catches me right after lunch near the back of our building and says this:

*clearly raining outside*
CO - It's raining outside. I don't think a lot of people will be coming into the garage.
Me - Oh really?
CO - Yes, it's weird because it's Monday. And Monday is our busiest day.

*3 second pause*
Me - Oh yeah?
CO - Yeah.

She is sharp.

One of her flunkies also takes it upon herself to remind me every week that it is indeed Monday. I distribute janitorial supplies to this woman once a week. When? On Mondays! Every. Fucking. Monday. So today she sees me and says:

Flunky - Hey Radames, it's Monday...time for supplies.

*3 second pause*
Me - It's Monday?
Flunky - Yes.
Me - sigh.

If one more person tells me that it's Monday...I will kill said person on a random Monday.

Spucci

You know when the driver ahead of you is backing up and you visualize them hitting you before it happens? That happened to me this morning. I saw it happen in slow motion. It wasn't a big deal. There wasn't any visible damage done to my car but I turned it into a big deal anyway. I'm not a happy camper in the morning. Sorry, old man!

I hate Castilian Spanish. So, so much. I wish there was simulation where Spaniards, Argentinians and everyone else who speaks Castilian could be stripped of their linguistic abomination and watch videos of the horror that is the Castilian lisp. Although, I worry that this may create a mass suicide event. Abort the simulation! Take the blue pill!

PS:
Click to enlarge


Another coworker misspelled my name - in an email that *clearly* shows the correct spelling of my name.

I love my coworkers.

Click click

I have ventured into the world of photography as of late. One thing I found out quickly is...this shit is fucking expensive!

I had no idea lenses costs so damn much. And not only lenses but cameras, lighting equipment, the whole nine yards.

I joined flickr two years ago but never really posted much until I got my DSLR. I came across a person that took pictures of himself each day for 365 days. I decided to do something similar but with toys.

This is my Kidrobot hazmat buddy. 

It's funny how people think I'm weird when I'm setting up for a shot with a toy. "Like, look at this moron over here".

Billy Bronze!

The other day I took out some toys during my lunch break and I got some funky looks from a few coworkers. I went out with some friends to see a movie and after noticing a toy a friend said, "who brings toys out on a Friday out?" I do!

Check out my noob shots - photostream.

Kindly leave

Next time you're dressed in all black and an asshat says, "Going to a funeral? Hehehe" say YES. Then look at the stupid look on their face when they apologize.

Idiots.

Little girl

[Click pic to enlarge]

Emails at work have become a source of entertainment for me!

This is a different woman from my last post. THIS character sent me an email today with another abbreviated word. I say another because EVERY email I've ever received from her has had an abbreviated word. That's cool - if done with your friends. That's cool if the abbreviated word is well-known. That's cool if you're texting me from a Motorola Razr. But not in a professional environment. Not like this.

 And it's not even anything normal and common like 'ASAP', no. I get shit like this:

c/s
j/e
l/r
p/s

What the fuck is j/e? Joust eggs?

Such as my last post, this is not a 9 year old child. This is a grown ass 50-ish year old lady that I'm going back and forth with.

"Obviously, only girls understand these abbreviations" - Well what in the motherfuck does that mean? Will a 'girl' out there please educate me with the meaning of these fucking abbreviations? Unfortunately I'm a boy, I don't have access to these secret code of abbreviated words that women are blessed with.

I would have respected this email a little more if she had said one of the following:

Only Sea-monkeys understand these abbreviations.


Only Tyrannosaurus' understand these abbreviations.


Only Wampas understand these abbreviations


This is from an email she sent yesterday:

"so can we go. tomo. at 930a to p.u. cleang supp."

Why is there a period after go? Why are you not spelling out each and every single word? You're not on a cell phone, why the fuck are you shortening words? THERE'S NO REASON FOR ANYONE TO DO THIS. If you're insecure about misspelling - use the fucking spell checker.

Fuck this place.

-22 year old aspiring graphic designer here.
-Can adapt to any style
-Hard worker
-Self motivator
-Email me for Resume / Portfolio / References / Blood work / Breakdancing Reel - Whatever the fuck you need to get me out of here!!

Dunce

 

 Click the picture.

My name is Radames (Rah-duh-Mez). It is a pretty unusual name around these parts. And by "these parts" I mean anywhere on Earth outside of Puerto Rico.

If you're reading it for the first time, you'll probably mispronounce it. That is fine. Happens all the time. If I ask you to spell it out - chances are you might spell it incorrectly. It's only natural.

But how do you misspell my name when it's RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING FACE? Also, why do you type my name out LiK diS? This isn't a 13 year old child that is emailing me btw, it's a grown ass woman. Kill yourself.

Umm, wait?

New life mission: create an elevator feature that shocks you whenever you press the button more than twice.

Not only will it shock you but it will take its sweet ass time to get to your floor. Maybe THEN people will stop pressing the button 19 times as if it will make a difference. 

Put your dog to sleep

I love people who feel that the best place to have a phone conversation is inside of a restroom.

And by love I mean *hate*.

There are maybe 37 different places I could come up with at the top of my head that are normal locations for a private conversation. Standing next to the sink is not one of em. I don't want to hear about your dog puking all over your couch over the weekend while I'm trying to use the restroom. I shouldn't have to say, "excuse me" in order to get to the hand dryer because you are blocking it. The men's stall next to my office is pretty loud when you flush. I flushed four times. I hope he took that as a sign. Get the fuck out of the restroom.

Got a little Captain in You?

Most people see the picture below of Bristol Palin and think, "Are there any morals left in today's youth?"

When I see the picture I think, "Damn...Alaskan girls know how to get down!"

Just kidding. Apparently, Bristol was 16 at the time the picture above was taken. Sixteen-year olds shouldn't be drinking booze. It could lead to an addiction, health risks and impaired judgement such as having unprotected sex with a boyfriend that doesn't want kids.  

Oops! That happened. DAMN you, Captain Morgan and your delicious rum!!

 

People make mistakes and they wont stop anytime soon. I've made about 1,234 of em. I'm not bashing on Bristol. I just wish this stuff would stay out of the media spotlight and have them focus on real issues and none of this performative bullshit.

Quote of the week: "When [Palin] got a phone call at three in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten into the garbage can"

- Bill Maher

I'll end this post with some eye candy for the Sarah Palin fans: VILF  

Sorry to the non-lesbian ladies!

You gotta love this Country

The 9-year old kid below is being banned from playing little league baseball because he pitches too fast.



Maybe the people of New Haven should also try to ban this guy for dominating golf?


Hey! While you're at it, ban this guy too:


Clearly he swims way too fast.

All I need is one mic

It was a glorious day for hip hop on Saturday.

Below are pics from the Rock the Bells concert. I had a shitty cam so bare with me.

The will call ticket line was about a 3 hour wait. But it was all worth it.



Raekwon and Ghostface


Mos Def


Wale - Very underrated. Give him time, he'll be a household name soon.


Dead Prez


Supernatural - I was impressed. A lot of rappers nowadays will write 16 bars and spit it during freestyles. Not exactly FREESTYLING, eh? Supernatural knows the art of freestyling. He asked the audience to throw stuff on stage and everything which was thrown was incorporated into the freestyle. His mind is a computer. And don't let me get started with the beat-boxing machine, DJ JS-1. He is amazing.


Immortal Technique - I didn't want him to leave. He talked and rapped with so much energy and passion. I believe if every bubble gum rapper were to be present during his set...they would retire. He jumped off of the stage and walked through the crowd after his set. He's the man.


De La Soul - They left me with my jaw on the floor after their performance. They proved that they still got it. Dres from Black Sheep came onstage and shut it down with The Choice is Yours. "Who's the Black Sheep, what's the Black Sheep?" - Everyone went bananas. Then he made everyone get low and sing along: "Engine, Engine, Number Nine, On the New York transit line, If my train goes off the track, Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!" He shut it down.


THE PHARCYDE - Reunited and it feels so good. Just awesomeness. They still have it too.


Method Man & Redman - Needless to say, they brought a massive amount of energy with their performance.


Red and Meth brought out N.O.R.E. as a special guest and he shut it down with "Nothin'" Homeboy! I came to party! PS: Nore has gotten huge (fat)


Godson - Another one of the greats of the night.


Q-Tip's set was after Nas but my cam died. Mos Def came on stage and rocked it with Q. Then A Tribe Called Quest came on stage and everyone lost their damn minds! I didn't get a chance to see B.O.B. or Murs perform, stupid long line. It felt so amazing being around people that lives for lyricism and condemns gimmicks and ignorance. Everyone in the crowd would sing along in unison when rappers performed. I think everyone in the venue rapped the entire Nas - Made you look song from beginning to the end. At times I feel like an outcast when it comes to music in my environment but Saturday I felt at home. I got chills during Immortal Technique and Nas performances. Two of the three greatest lyricist in the game today (Lupe's the missing link). BEST.CONCERT.EVER.

The MAN

No photoshop here. This is further proof of how I think Manny Ramirez defines awesomeness.

He's in the midst of being traded away to another team and is he uptight? No. He's just being Manny. I love that the sign says, "Straight up".

Most of the country seems to think this guy is a doucher that only cares about himself. I beg to differ. Any guy that catches a fly ball--high fives a fan--and makes the throw to first base to complete the double play is Godly-awesome in my book.



He seems like he's the only guy on the field having fun. Hell, he seems like the only person having fun in life! I could definitely identify with his nonchalant attitude in life.

Fan - Hey Manny, gas prices are so high dude!

Manny - Word?


Manny doesn't care.

Fan - Hey Manny, I scratched your car door by mistake.

Manny - Hey, no biggie.


I love how he chills in the scoreboard area in Fenway Park...during games. Manny is the only person that could get away with this. I wouldn't doubt a PS3 being back there, a toilet, and a few Coronas. Manny is that cool.





Too bad my Marlins couldn't strike a deal for Manny. I was looking forward to Manny being Manny in Miami (has a ring to it). But instead, Manny will be Manny in...

Green Bay?

You know how you're gay?

Doesn’t it feel good when you're at an unfamiliar venue and a song you like plays randomly on the jukebox? Yes, right? Who doesn’t! Maybe the Amish. But they don’t read blogs anyway so it’s all good. I hope. (If you’re on Rumspringa and read my blog - I’m so sorry)

I went to a party recently at Diddy’s house and had a few drinks and some awesome Bar-B-Q ribs. One out of those three is a lie. We didn’t have ribs at Diddy’s. OK enough lying, I was at a pub in Downtown Miami.



I’m sitting and watching Dan Uggla with his stupid Popeye arms hit a home run on one of the 97 TVs at the bar and suddenly Viva La Vida by Coldplay blast throughout the bar.

First of all, is this the kind of music that is supposed to be playing at bars? When I think of bar music I envision Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin or Hypnotize by Notorious BIG. I love it when they call me Big Papa, throw your hands in the-–Okay, you get the point.

These are the things I expect from bars:
-Vast selection of liquor.
-Pool tables.
-At least one hot goth chick.
-A Chinese man saying racial slurs as a form of a greeting.
-Mathew Mcconaughey hanging out front.

These are the things I don’t expect to be at bars:
-Babies.
-Merry-go-rounds.
-Coldplay music.

Also, anything from Seal.

I’m not bashing Coldplay at all. And I'd sing Kiss From a Rose at any karaoke. I just think its unusual hearing these type of songs at a bar. And I am not talking about some trendy hipster spot. I'm talking about a bar. Sports. Drinks. Smoke. Insecure men looking to start trouble!

You’re hanging out playing some pool and suddenly you hear:

‘Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard’

This does not make me want to break. It makes me want to put my cue stick down and sulk in the corner in the fetal position. Alone. In the dark.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Coldplay. And now everyone at the spot Downtown knows this as well because, you see, I was tipsy and I like to sing while I’m on the sauce. It’s a very liberating experience. I recommend it. Although, don’t blame me if the guy/girl you’re fond of loses interest in you after your performance.

Not sexy.

People suck a lot

So this is what my generation has come to?

Self-proclaimed superstars and this ingenuous thirst for fame? Accomplish something first THEN we'll talk about you being that superstar you claim to be.

Maybe if you were indeed actually famous...someone might want to fuck you. But at the moment? No, sorry. You might want to cool it with the 'Fuck Me I'm Famous' debacle.

I love the fact that most people have a blog nowadays. By love I mean loathe. I hate when I reveal I have a blog to someone and have to hear, "Oh god, you blog now too?" Yes. I've been doing so before you thought it was cool too, got it?

Generation Y stinks.

If you need me I'll be at the back of the room in the party pooper section being grumpy.