You know how you're gay?

Doesn’t it feel good when you're at an unfamiliar venue and a song you like plays randomly on the jukebox? Yes, right? Who doesn’t! Maybe the Amish. But they don’t read blogs anyway so it’s all good. I hope. (If you’re on Rumspringa and read my blog - I’m so sorry)

I went to a party recently at Diddy’s house and had a few drinks and some awesome Bar-B-Q ribs. One out of those three is a lie. We didn’t have ribs at Diddy’s. OK enough lying, I was at a pub in Downtown Miami.



I’m sitting and watching Dan Uggla with his stupid Popeye arms hit a home run on one of the 97 TVs at the bar and suddenly Viva La Vida by Coldplay blast throughout the bar.

First of all, is this the kind of music that is supposed to be playing at bars? When I think of bar music I envision Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin or Hypnotize by Notorious BIG. I love it when they call me Big Papa, throw your hands in the-–Okay, you get the point.

These are the things I expect from bars:
-Vast selection of liquor.
-Pool tables.
-At least one hot goth chick.
-A Chinese man saying racial slurs as a form of a greeting.
-Mathew Mcconaughey hanging out front.

These are the things I don’t expect to be at bars:
-Babies.
-Merry-go-rounds.
-Coldplay music.

Also, anything from Seal.

I’m not bashing Coldplay at all. And I'd sing Kiss From a Rose at any karaoke. I just think its unusual hearing these type of songs at a bar. And I am not talking about some trendy hipster spot. I'm talking about a bar. Sports. Drinks. Smoke. Insecure men looking to start trouble!

You’re hanging out playing some pool and suddenly you hear:

‘Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard’

This does not make me want to break. It makes me want to put my cue stick down and sulk in the corner in the fetal position. Alone. In the dark.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Coldplay. And now everyone at the spot Downtown knows this as well because, you see, I was tipsy and I like to sing while I’m on the sauce. It’s a very liberating experience. I recommend it. Although, don’t blame me if the guy/girl you’re fond of loses interest in you after your performance.

Not sexy.