Doesn’t it feel good when you're at an unfamiliar venue and a song you like plays randomly on the jukebox? Yes, right? Who doesn’t! Maybe the Amish...but they don’t read blogs anyway so it’s all good in the hood. I hope. (If you’re Amish and read my blog - I’M sorry)
I went to a party recently at Diddy’s house and had a few drinks and some awesome Bar-B-Q ribs. One out of those three was a lie. We didn’t have ribs at Diddy’s. OK enough lying, I was at a pub Downtown.
I’m sitting watching Dan Uggla hit a home run on one of the TV screens and suddenly Viva La Vida by Coldplay blast throughout the bar.
First of all, is this the kind of music that is supposed to be playing at bars? When I think of bar music I envision Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N’ Roses or Hypnotize by Notorious BIG. I love it when they call me Big Papa, throw your hands in the-–OK you get the point.
These are the things I expect from bars:
-Vast selection of liquor.
-Pool tables.
-At least one hot chick.
-A Chinese man saying racial slurs as a form of greeting.
-Mathew Mcconaughey chilling outside.
These are the things I don’t expect to be at bars:
-Babies.
-Merry-go-rounds.
-Coldplay music. Also, anything from Seal.
I’m not bashing Coldplay at all. I just think its unusual hearing one of their songs at a bar under normal sober circumstances. You’re hanging out playing some pool and suddenly you hear:
‘Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard’
This does not make me want to break. It makes me want to put my cue stick down and sulk in the corner in the fetal position. Alone. In the dark.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Coldplay. And now everyone at the spot Downtown knows this as well because, you see, I was tipsy and I like to sing while I’m on the sauce. It’s a very liberating experience. I recommend it. Although, don’t blame me if the guy/girl you’re fond of loses interest in you after your performance.
Not sexy.
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So this is what my generation has come to?
Self-proclaimed superstars and this ingenuous thirst for fame? Accomplish something first THEN we'll talk about you being that superstar you claim to be.
Maybe if you were indeed actually famous...someone might want to fuck you. But at the moment? No, sorry. You might want to cool it with the 'Fuck Me I'm Famous' debacle.
I love the fact that most people have a blog nowadays. By love I mean loathe. I hate when I reveal I have a blog to someone and have to hear, "Oh god, you blog now too?" Yes. I've been doing so before you thought it was cool too, got it?
Generation Y stinks.
If you need me I'll be at the back of the room in the party pooper section being grumpy.
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List seven songs that you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Credit to Raven.
1. Immortal Technique - Parole
Other than Lupe Fiasco, there is no other rapper out there fucking with Tech. NONE. He's a lyricist, not an entertainer. He speaks of real world issues which are not only important to him but to our generation as a whole. 'Parole' describes what it was like for him when he made parole.
Newspaper pencilin’, tryin’ to pay the rent again,
Ex-con job interview nobody answerin’,
Feelin’ violent from the frustrations I got pent up in,
but not tryin’ to go back to the place I was sent up in,
turn my whole life around, fuck the establishment,
listenin’ to hip hop like WHERE THE FUCK THE TALENT WENT,
how the fuck did you replace lyrics with your swagger and,
I’ma fix that robbin’ em’ with the magganum,
I roll up in the caravan, full of North Africans,
my squad got more soldiers niggas than the Sarasin’s,
2.David Vendetta – Break for love
I love the beat. The vocals from Keith Thompson are awesome. Not the substance but his voice in general. It’s like a collaboration between Chef from South Park and Barry White.
3.Rachael Starr – Till there was you (Gabriel and Dresden mix)
Sick beat. Rachael is awesome. I thought she just provided vocals for G&D but it turns out that’s she is a DJ, producer, vocalist, etc. I was very impressed when I saw her web site. Oh yeah, she's hot too.
4.Pharoahe Monch Ft. MOP - No mercy
Why? Because Monch kills his verse. I'll insert it in its entirety.
They'll bury me with my SP-1200
Fuck the trinity inseminate the earth now, take its virginity
In my vicinity rap is like energy pack
Sending me back behind enemy line to rap too melodic
Melodies never melodramatic but hipmatic like Jell-O fo fellow fanatics
I fiend for, who FUCK WITS, inappropriate
Fill em with so much lead I'll call
(M.O.P): BERGER AND ASSOCIATES
This rhyme, will remain in the minds of my foes forever in infamy
The epitome of lyrical epiphanies
Skillfully placed home we carefully plan symphonies
Who would be ignorant enough to have the audacity
to fuck wit the likes of I and my tenacity?
This is, what you, get when, you fuck,
with the, likes of, the magnanimous flows
of total assholes and ignoramuses
M.O.P. slash Pharoahe Monch cause damages
The advantage is we banish artists labels and managers
Amateurs found six feet deep, in metal canisters we
5. Trentemoller - Moan (Remix)
So smooth yet intense. Ann Troller's vocals to me are intoxicating, a sexy melancholy. This song is definitely on repeat most nights.
6. My Chemical Romance - Mama
Mama, we're all full of lies...
My emo side has been bumping this song more so recently than when it first debuted a year ago. I love how almost everyone misinterprets it. Idiots.
7.David Bowie - Within you
Your eyes can be so cruel! Just as I can be so cruel!
I'm pretty sure some of you out there were thinking WHAT THE FUCK at this point in the movie Labyrinth. Wasn't this suppose to be a kids movie? Why is Bowie hitting on the little girl? But i'm not going to get into this topic again.
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I'm sure you've seen it by now. If not, I'm sure you're tired of hearing everyone around you praising The Dark Knight.
I won't review it but I will say it is the best Batman movie ever. I got chills while watching Ledger's performance at times. And not because he passed away. He stole pretty much every scene he was in. I believe he was in the midst of becoming an even stronger actor. He transformed himself into something totally different and believable (not the first time in his career). He definitely left me with a bittersweet experience.
One of my beefs with the movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal. Sigh. Also, there are some other minor holes in the film but why didn't Katie Holmes reprise her fucking role? Because of scheduling conflicts with her movie 'Mad Money? You kidding me? You rather make a shitty film with Queen Latifa than acting alongside Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Caine in The Dark Knight? Was she on smack? I blame Tom Cruise. There's something not right about Mr. Scientology. Don't get me wrong, Maggie played the better role and is a better actress. She's just...blah to me.
What I wonder now is...how is director Christopher Nolan going to top TDK?
PS: For those that has seen it, the guy in the bank, don't forget about him. OK?
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My friend told me to dedicate a post to her.
"Is she your girlfriend?" No.
"If someone told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" Sure, why not? Sounds like a lot of fun.
I'm bored at work and she caught me in a good mood, ok?
Her name is Jessica. I met Jess a while back on MySpace. I've met way too many people on MySpace. But isn’t that the point of MySpace? Social Networking? I wonder who holds the record for meeting the most people from MySpace? I currently stand at 8 people.
I wonder who holds the record for the most time a person deleted their MySpace account? I deleted mine once. I shouldn’t have but I was trying to show my loyalty to my then girlfriend and blah, blah. It feels as if I was the star of a sitcom where everyone found the main character's poor life decisions as comedic gold.
Me - I'll prove to you it's all about you, FUCK MYSPACE, I’ll delete it right now! THIS IS FOR YOU, BABY!
[Deletes profile]
[A roar of laughter comes from the crowd]
Ah, those were the days.
Where was I? Oh yeah, Jess. She is my number one fan. But why you ask? Because I’m an awesome artist. I could sketch an identical replica of a persons face with blood on concrete. That was a lie. But I am trying to make this graphic design thing work. She supports me as an artist and needless to say I’m very grateful. For at least one person to genuinely commend me for my work = priceless.
So this post is for you Jessica! You owe me $22.50, cash only.
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You know what’s fucking weird? Let me explain.
Let me take you back to a strange day in the life of a young Mr. Cruz. I was about 11 or 12 years old and on summer break vacation. I went over to my neighbor’s house to hang out for a bit. I walk into my friend’s room and he’s watching a porno with another friend of mine. I see boobies and I’m like...COOL. You just kind of stare at that age. You don’t know what’s going on…but you like it. You don’t know why you like it…but you just do. It’s like men are pre-programmed to like porn.
As we continued watching, I kept wondering to myself why was a lady sleeping next to the couple which were having sex? The dude was showing the blonde his O-face while another lady next to them was sound asleep. Then something disturbing happened. The female begins to moan and the guy says, "Shhh...you'll wake your mother, honey" - Strike one. Then the blonde replies, "Ok daddy" - Strike 2. Then the blonde says, "You're the best, dad" -STRIKE 3!
They were watching incest porn! YES, INCEST. It was a VHS tape of some type of family role-playing kind of gig? It’s fucking disturbing when I think back about it. Why the fuck didn’t any one of us say anything while watching it? We just watched it like it’s all good. Like if this shit is normal. Like if we were sitting around watching Cool World and drinking kool-aid. But there were no Kool-aid, only hardcore incest filth.
Guy – Hey dude, whats up?
Guy 2 – Not much. Just drinking a beer, watching some girl go down on her brother.
Guy – Aww man, sweet! What channel!?
Where did they get the tape from? How do a couple of kids grab their hands on an incest flick? Did one of my friends have parents who were into this crap? I wished I would've asked these questions but I never spoke to my friends about that day ever again. I pretended as if it never happened. Hell I’ve never even told anyone about this until now. It needed to be let out. The truth will set you free! Not really. It just reminds me of some creepy twelve-year-olds.
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I got my first computer when I was 13. Like everyone else at the time, we had dial up internet. I had AOL. It took about a minute and a half to get online and have everything fully loaded. I use to get so pissed off whenever an incoming call would screw up my connection and kick me offline.
[Get’s kicked offline]
Me – MOM! Tell grandma you’ll call her back in an hour!
Thank goodness for high-speed internet.
My cousin from Orlando came to visit one day and introduced me to the AOL chat rooms and I quickly became addicted. I never did it with the intentions of meeting anyone. I would just chat at times when I was stuck at home.
I use to lie through my teeth in chat rooms. I was a 13 year old kid with red hair...not interesting. Instead I told everyone I was a 17 year old break dancing DJ that lived with his older brother. I also had my own car. I was cool and pathetic at the same time.
My AOL screen name was MYSTIKAL2000GANJA. What.THE.Fuck. How did I come up with that name? And why? The younger version of me scares the ba-Jesus out of me. It’s sad that I thought that was cool. I never even tried ganja at that point of my life. Why was it in my name? Why Mystikal? For those that don’t know/remember, he's this guy:
He disappeared from the limelight due to his incarceration for raping an old lady. Class act. Why did I choose Mystikal? Fuck if I know. He has never been my favorite rapper so that is out the question. Once again with the reoccurring theme on my blog: I’m retarded.
I chatted with so many weirdoes in the online world. I had a who’s who of pathological liars on my buddylist. I didn’t know who were real and fake. I remember befriending this one girl in particular, Aleksandra. She lived in Utah. I met her when I was 13 (17 online) and she was 12 (15 online). She sent me fake pics, I sent her fake pics and we both ate up each other lies. Fast forward to a boring night in 2005 and I decided to see if she still had the same screen name on AOL (it’s a catchy name, hard to forget) and she did! I sent her a message and this is pretty much how it went:
Me – Hey Aleks, it’s me Alex (oh yeah, I told her my name was Alex)
Aleks – Alex?
Me – Yeah, the DJ from Miami with the big yellow bus (don’t ask)...
Aleks – WTF ALEX?!?!!
Then I went on to confess my lies. Then we exchanged MySpace’s and it turns out that she isn’t such a bad looking chick, she’s very cute.
I remember not talking to her for a bit because I was in a relationship and didn’t log into MySpace much. Then she deleted me. I think it was one of those deals when a person puts up a bulletin stating: “I’M DELETING PEOPLE. IF YOU DON’T SEND ME A MESSAGE, I WILL DELETE YOU.” I read the message one night and didn’t think she’d delete me if I didn’t send her a message but she ended up deleting me.
It would have been cool to meet her in person. Reminisce about the hilarity of our online life, catch up on the present, and make out for a few hours. I’m sure she’d be down for two out of 3.
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[I dropped off my friend at his house]
[I searched all over my car for my cell phone and couldn't find it]
[I call my friend]
Me - Hey...I can't find my phone, dude.
Friend - Are you serious?
Me - Yeah
[Slight pause]
Friend - Hey, dumbass?
Me - Huh?
Friend - How do you think you're talking to me right now?
This. really. happened.
I'm retarded.
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My high school sucked big time.
The people I met during my 9th grade year were ok but they seemed like the last of the dying breed of interesting people because the next three years were painful.
I graduated back in 2004 and don't have any plans on going to any type of 'reunions' or whatnot. I got my diploma, took pics, and said PEACE BITCHES!
I know what some of you are thinking, "He was the geek that no one talked to!" Nah, not a geek. I wish I was. Maybe then I would've gotten into a better college. I just didn't connect with most of the people I went to school with. I had my group of friends but pretty much felt annoyed by most of the others.
A lot of them were into weird dancing. Swinging their arms back and forth and shit. Playing pretend baseball and making sandwiches or something? Big grown ass dudes tiptoeing around like MC Hammer's back up dancers. See the vid below for what the hell i'm talking about:
The song that plays around a minute into the vid that goes, "WHERE HE AT, WHERE HE AT? NOW THERE HE GO!" is the peanut butter jelly song. HATE. Hate is a very strong word. I hated this crap.
[Big kid starts dancing in the hall]
Me - The fuck is he doing?
Bystander - Peanut butter jelly dance!
Me - THE HELL?
Bystander - YEAH NIGGAA!!!
Me - Does he use deodorant?
THEN i'm the outsider for not liking that shit! You see my pain? I had to see this shit everyday, EVERY fucking day.
Morning time = PB&J dance.
Lunch time = PB&J dance.
Go to the restroom to do #1 = PB&J dance.
After school = GO HOME!! Stop dancing!!
Whatever.
An old friend I went to school with recently sent me a friend request on myspace and I noticed some people I use to know on his page. It turns out that 98.4% of the people I knew in high school are rappers. Go figure.
Everyone is a rapper nowadays. Hell my mother raps, her MC name is Mama T (Teresa). What's the worst part of all this? THEY SUCK. They all suck. I'm not a hater, I give props when it's due. But these guys all talk about the same redundant shit. Their songs are bullshit and lack substance. The most recent one I heard was something that went like, "WHAT THEY DO!?" or something like that. I don't know what they do...you tell me.
Another one started off with, "As I walk in the club"...really!? This line, again? How many times do I have to hear about somebody walking in the club? If you're gonna start off like that - make it interesting at least!
"As I walk in the club, midget titties were shaking"...
Jackasses. Go get a job, read a book, and put the mic down.
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This has not been a good week...people wise.
1. The economy is getting worst and worst (we all know that by now). We were told to find ways we could save money at work by our union reps. Each of us were given a sheet with a bunch of empty spaces to share our ideas. I filled the entire page. And you know what the sad part is? They'll just brush it to the side and won’t even consider my proposals because nothing ever gets done the right way at my job. Everything is backwards. Fuck my job.
2. I could create a separate blog dedicated to the ridiculousness that is my work life. A vendor requested an RFQ (request for qualifications) for a certain city project the other day. This is how the conversation over the phone went:
Guy (broken English) - Hallo? Jes, is this the place where I get de RFQ?
Me - For which project, sir?
Guy - oz-moses---
Me - ...Reverse osmosis, sir?
Guy - jes, jes!
Me - I could email it to you if you provide me with an email address.
Guy - Email? uh... (Apparently I asked him to spell monofluorophosphate over the phone because he seemed baffled)
Me - Or I could fax it to you if you’d like?
Guy - Could I pick it up?
Me - yes, sir.
Its 2008, who doesn’t have an email address? My little cousins in elementary school have email addresses. This situation bothers me more because this guy has his own company. How do you expect to expand? I hate my position. I hate the people I have to deal with.
3. I had no idea I knew so many naive people. Most of my friends are over the age of 21 but lately I feel like I hang out with a bunch of 13 year olds. You’re killing me, Smalls. Grow up.
4. Rush Limbaugh inked a $400 million dollar contract. What THE fuck? What is the world coming to?
5. I was channel surfing and noticed Carlos Mencia is back? They gave him another season? HE IS NOT FUNNY!
6. Kids on my block were lighting up fireworks this past Monday (the 30th) and Tuesday (the 1st)...at 4 in the fucking morning. I remember being a kid; I remember lighting fireworks in the street, good times. But not at 4am on a fucking Monday. It got to a point where I went outside with my bat but they were pretty far down the road. I could hear their shitty fireworks as if it was right on my lawn but they were about a block down. Save it for the 4th, bitches!! I need to sleep!
I'm just grumpy at the moment, don't mind me.
Oh yeah, Happy Independence day!
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Megan Fox has broken off her engagement to Brian Austin Green!
I still have a chance!
...In fairytale land.
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The following is not funny to the owner of the monkey or to the monkey herself.
But I died laughing.
Some people go to comedy clubs for funnies. I go to craigslist.
Her ex-boyfriend is badass. I wonder why they broke up? Clearly it has to be her fault...why else would he steal her monkey?
"SOMEBODY STOLE MY MONKEY! WHERE'S MY MONKEY!?".
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I hate AIM.
I haven't used AIM in years. I decided to download it because a few of my friends have it and are always telling me to get it.
I caved in.
I downloaded the application and all I have to do now is choose a screen name. Simple, right? Wrong. I've been trying for the past 20 minutes. Every fucking possible screen name possibility is taken.
I first started off with 'funny' ones like:
LeCoqGrande
itsOnLikeDK (Donkey Kong)
noMORElockDoors
didYOUsayBERRIES
uBOYSlikeMEXICO
No luck, all of those names are taken. Then I tried going with something simple using my name:
Radames1(I used numbers 1 through 9)
Radamess
Radamiss
RahDUHmes
RahDUHmez
RahDUHmis
RahDUHmiz
RAWduhMEZ
RAWduhMIZ
RAWduhMES
Again, no luck. At this point I'm screaming out F-bombs at my monitor. Now I begin to come up with ridiculous names:
RuNOTentertained
iLIKEbananaBOATS
grandeMEETSpongo
elPOLLOgrande
GRANDEesMIpollo
BUSTitPOLLO
Are you kidding me? Someone out there has a name, 'BUSTitPOLLO'? What the hell? What the fuck kind of name I'm going to end up with, rafop38975078909?
Fuck AIM. I'm going to try one more time and I'm done.
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I don't blog about too many movies. But I saw an awesome film last night. It's about an unsinkable ship that hits an iceberg and plummets to the bottom of the sea.
Oops, wrong movie.
I went to see a pre-screening of 'The Wackness' last night. I thought The Wackness would be wack but it was not at all, no. It was wackless. See what I just did there?
Moving along.
It stars this guy:
The fat kid from Nickelodeon. But apparently he had gastric bypass surgery and homey looks like this now:
Touche. Well played, sir.
I went into the theatre with very low expectations. I had free tickets and didn't want to be home so I thought I'd give it a shot.
The film is about a lonely teenage white boy (Shapiro) that basically just needs a friend (and to get laid). He befriends a shrink (Dr. Squires) who gives him session time in return for marijuana. Oh yeah, Shapiro is a drug dealer. The director shows us a different kind of drug dealer, a virgin (technically he had sex with a female but it got broken up by cops before anyone can finish) with no friends. The most popular of the unpopular. Or the unpopular of the populars. The people his age around him only tolerates him because of his drug connections. He seems depressed but Squires shows him that he is not indeed depressed at all. He just needs to stop being such a pussy and take risks in his life.
Shapiro and Squires slowly form a bond and become friends. Then Shapiro begins to mess around with Squires stepdaughter.
I could go in depth and turn this into a Sundance film review but I won’t take up anymore of your time. Go check out this movie, you won’t regret it.
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Here's another reason why Wayne is an idiot.
Below are Jay-Z lyrics from “Mr. Carter"
I’m right, cheah
In my chair
With my crown, with my dear
Queen Bee, as I share
Mic time, with my heir
Young Carter
Go farther
Go further
Go harder
Is that not
Why we came? and if not,
Then why bother?
One of raps juggernauts spit out a huge compliment to this crackhead and he didn't even know what the hell was going on.
From a Q&A Rolling Stone did with Lil Wayne:
On “Mr. Carter,” Jay-Z calls you “my heir, Young Carter” — that had to feel pretty cool.
-That line right there was hard! Unbelievable. I didn’t even realize it at first. My homie had to tell me “You know what he said, right?” I didn’t even get it. I was like, “Why is he saying ‘air’? Is he just talking about the air?” But I’m smart enough to know that he’s smart enough not to just be talking about the air. I felt real dumb, but then I felt so good. It was an incredible compliment.
Eh.
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Technology in today's modern world is amazing.
I came across a program at work recently, which among other things, allows you to see any web site statistics. It's a form of policeware. Boredom led me to look up my blog history. It shows me when I created this blog, how many hits I've had from day one, and it shows me information on the users that comment on my page. It doesn't show me user social security numbers or anything in that nature, no worries. But let's just say that there are programs out there that works just as a caller ID would...but for your puter.
It was interesting...in a sense if interesting really means creepy.
People can still surprise you nowadays. Unfortunately, at times it's for the worst. Actually, I wouldn't say for the worst in this situation because I'm feeling indifferent about the whole scenario to begin with.
I'm not upset with the information I collected. No, no. I found it amusing at first. I laughed. But now? Now it makes me wonder. What makes people crave attention so badly? What is it with attention whores? Is being an attention whore some sort of compensation for low self esteem? I don't get it? A true puzzle.
We're not in Kansas anymore, people. Technology is amazing, stop with the BS.
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I find it interesting how I keep meeting women...that are in relationships.
I have no idea what their marital status is before hand, it’s pretty much unbeknownst to me. The latest one sucks because I saw this one making out with her boyfriend before I even knew who she was.
There’s an intern here (we’ll call her Oxy). My boss called me into his office one day and told me to help out Oxy with whatever she needed. She had a little project in mind and I helped her out a bit. We chit chat a bit and I can't help but wonder where do I know this chick from? She looked very familiar to me. I find out little details from others in the building and can't help but be impressed with the school she has been accepted to. I’m there thinking, “she seems like a nice, wholesome, educated female...” Then suddenly it dawned on me…she's the chick I saw kissing that guy! I know what you're thinking, "Why is he staring at couples kiss?" I wasn't staring! I was in the lobby waiting for the elevator and I saw her walk up to him and greet him with a Frenchy. Then I thought to myself, "Wow that's a lucky geek, he has a hot girlfriend."
What does her boy friend look like, you ask?
He has this kind of weird curly hair:
...but longer and black. It looks pretty greasy too. Maybe she likes rolling her fingers through all the gel or mousse or whatever hair product he uses to make his hair shine so? Only his hair style is similar to Justin Timberlake, nothing else. I know the ladies out there fancy JT so I want no confusion out of this. His hair only, got it?
He looks like his name is Gordon or Gustavo. He seems like the kind of guy that would sit at home on a Friday night and play World of Warcraft.
Mother - Gordon, what are you doing tonight (Friday)?
Gordon - I'm going to order some pizza and play World of Warcraft
Sweeeeet.
I could be right. I could be wrong. Maybe I’m a hater? Who knows. Anne Hathaway, Megan Fox, now Oxy? If I meet one more female with potential that is taken – I'm going to stab someone. Ok maybe not stab but I might kick someone.
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A huge lost to not only his family and friends but to politics as well. He will never be forgotten. His legacy will continue forever.
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FREE MR. CLARK! FREE MR. CLARK!
Kellz has been acquitted of all child pornography counts filed against him.
I bet Dave Chappelle feels like a dick now for making those pee on you skits, eh? There's still some skeptics out there who think that Kelly got away with it but case close, the man is free.
I'm glad he's not guilty. Dude has been making hits since I was in grade school. I lost Michael Jackson and Bill Kamal.
Bill with two chicks.
Bill was the MAN. He always kept a fresh suit on. He looked like a million bucks (no homo). He had an air on confidence every time his weather segment aired. He seemed like the kind of guy that would have a wife and a girlfriend on the side...and both women wouldn't mind. He seemed that pimp. But then I found out he was a little boy lover. Vomit.
I don't wanna lose you too, Kelly! Now get back in the studio and make a not guilty/he saved me/you remind me of my jeep joint for the masses.
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Yeah, yeah, she deserves it. Stephanie Izard won
Top Chef last night. I was pretty sure Richard was
going to win, he's been pretty solid throughout
(as so was Stephanie). But the big guy choked. Whatever.
As long as Lisa didn't win...I'm ok.
Congrats Izy, the first woman to win Top Chef.
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How good is your typeface game?
Go here and find out. I got 27/34 eh, i'm rusty. Check the hall of fame. I made the list...for 24 hours.
Needless to say, no cheating, mmmk?
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Ever wonder what an old Bruce Lee would look like? How about Marilyn Monroe?
//Andrzej Dragan
Check out more of his work.
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Click to enlarge
This is a real picture taken earlier this year of the volcano that erupted in Chile. No photoshop, no editing whatsoever. Awesomeness.
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A fight broke out in Boston last night.
Not here
But here
Coco Crisp charged the mound when pitcher James Shields hit him with a pitch on the hip. Some might say overreact much Coco? But there was a situation during a game two nights ago where Coco tried to steal a base and the shortstop blocked second base with his leg when Coco slid in. It banged up Coco's finger. Coco was not happy. Later during the game Coco slid into second base and took out the second baseman in retaliation with a kick slide. This sets up what happened to Coco during his first at-bat last night.
Coco - you little...
Umpire - Coco NO!
Swing and a miss! Shields might crack his teeth if he keeps clinching so intensely.
This is how you punch! It looks like Coco tagged him pretty good but if you watch the video he really didnt. He sort of punched him in the back because of the catcher coming to the rescue.
Can you smell what Navarro is cookin'? The catcher gives Coco a rock-bottom.
Jonny Gomes throws punches like a woman. Scratch that. He throws punches like a little girl. I know women who can throw a better punch. What's with the hammer motion?
Catcher Dioner Navarro is probably saying, "get off my ass, Gomes!"
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This will be my last RW post.
Greg was kicked off the show. Great. Now I have to watch a bunch of uninteresting whores go out and drink every night? No thanks, MTV.
Do yourself a favor, send Joey home before he commits suicide. Homeboy is a step away from losing it.
The show will suck from here on out. Unless Joey begins drinking again and attacks one of the girls. That would win me back. Adios.
Fin.
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This is Megan Fox. You might remember her from the Transformers movie. We like her, ok? Be nice.
She was born two days after my birthday. We're going to pretend that she isnt engaged to this guy from 90210, ok?
Eh.
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Ok if you haven't noticed by now I'm a Hungarian magician. Ok maybe not. But I do recap every new Real World: Hollywood episodes. Yes, I'm a loser. Don't point and laugh, it's not polite.
Greg is the man.
He made two grown men cry. Will and Dave became really pissy with Greg and basically wanted to fight him. They're both making a raucous and throwing stuff around the house and whatnot. And Greg? He's just looking at them with a calm straight face. He gets cool points for being the bigger man. Then Will says something about Greg's dead father. WHOA whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa...where's my batman glass?
Greg still downplayed the comments from Will and did not strike back.
Greg - 42
Will - 0.2
If Will brought up my dead father I'd not only beat the shit out of him but I'd knock him unconscious and chop those ridiculous dreads off and stick them in Kimberly's underwear drawer. RATINGS through the roof. MTV would love me.
But it does not end there. Greg took his retaliations to psychological proportions. He made Will and Dave cry [insert LOL] here.
Well come to think about it...I'm not really surprised that Will and Dave cried. Will is a pussy and Dave is a hot head pussy. He's the type to talk smack until you give him a beat down. Although, of the two, I think Dave would put up a better fight than Will. Little muscular guys always seem to put up a good fight; they're scrappy. Greg would pulverize him, but nice try nevertheless.
Oh yeah, did anyone else miss Joey? I saw Joe towards the end of the show and said, 'Hey you little weird hair motherfuc***! Let's get sauced tonight' Wait...he can't do that anymore, right? Damn!
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I've been procrastinating all afternoon. Where does procrastination lead to? Myspace. I went into my inbox and took a trip down memory lane and went back to message #1 on myspace which dates back a few years. I came across a few messages I wanted to share:
(click to enlarge the pics)
Another Radames sighting. At least this guy wasn't gay...I think?
I get hit on by younger girls a lot...why? Weird ones too.
This chick had potential at the time. Everything went smooth until we hung out. Boring ass chick. Now I know that every time she agreed with me online was bullshit. Had no opinion on...nothing basically.
I'm the white Lloyd Banks apparently.
I have no fucking clue what this message was about...till this day. I messaged this guy back and he never replied. It's kind of hilarious though
'The guitar guy at church' -has to be one of the greatest all time self-descriptions.
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I went over to the beach Friday for the 3 bears dunny release. Well more like 2 bears? I was told only two of the three artist were showing up (damn it).
My partner in crime
I think I'd be a pretty good mannequin
The line wasn't so bad
I got interviewed by this guy
Why was my mouth open? Good question.
This guy's bumper was destroyed in the parking garage
He's going to want to stab someone.
Awesome weather for standing in line for an hour or two. No sun whatsoever.
The goodies
High fives for everyone
TADO // ILOVEDUST
Until next time kiddies, peace out. How come no one ever says peace in?
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Memorial Day weekend, a time where we pay homage to our fallen soldiers in America. In America…yes. In South Beach...no.
It’s a time where mischievous men and promiscuous women roam the streets of South Beach. It’s a time where women dress provocatively and complain when men treat them anything less than a lady. It’s a time for men to rent exotic cars in hopes to woo easy gold diggers.
Somewhere along the way folks that flock to the beach have forgotten what this weekend is about.
This is what might happen when you ask the average 18-27 year old Miamian male amd female what their plans are for Memorial Day weekend:
Male 1 – Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
Male 2 – I’m going to snatch me some hoes!
Male 1 – Me too! I rented a room for the weekend by the beach; bring your freaks over whenever, dog!
Female – Hey girl, what you doing this weekend?
Female 2 – Girl I’m going to get my hair and nails done, I’m going to the beach!
Female 1 – Me too! I have to get myself a new outfit, there’s gonna be so many hot guys out there!
Yeah. This is what our soldiers died for.
Two things: if you think I’m being too dramatic then rebuttal. If not, go to www.games.com and knock yourself out.
I dedicate this post to all the brave men and women that have died while serving this country. You shall not be forgotten.
Sadly, this is what Memorial Day is about now:
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Random pics
See the resemblance?
Real. What is the definition of real? Apparently Plies is the definition of real. Fucktoid.
Damn it, A-Rod. What is up with those pants? Thank goodness this guy doesnt play baseball the way he dresses.
Look at the expression on the gentleman behind Diddy. Caption the picture.
'What do you mean, "take that - take that"?
Jason Giambi wears a thong whenever he's in a slump at the plate. DISTURBING. How can you top that? Derek Jeter borrows it. WHAT the FUCK.
I want this. Courtesy of click.
Be safe this Memorial weekend. Don't drink and drive...unless you have to. Just kidding.
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Real World: Hollywood episode recap from last night:
The guys in the house are a bunch of pussies.
Dave - you're 5 feet nothing. Greg is 6 foot 5. He will squash you like a bug.
Will - you're a little bitch. You're all BIG AND BAD when talking about confronting Greg, punching the wall and what not. Yet when you're face to face with him...you speak ever so gentle. What the fuck? Grow some.
Greg - Obviously your associate cheated on you, obviously. It's understandable being upset at Will, I get it. But your main focus has to be on that fire crotch. Kick that cum bucket out of the house! That's what bothered me the most. SHE pulled her underwear off, not Will. Well maybe Will did but she was perfectly fine with it. THEN she lied on top of that. THERE'S CAMERAS THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE, DUMB ASS. Then Greg punk ass said I believe you. What!? Fire crotch!? You believe her? Succa. You're a succa, homz.
Ryan (Sarah's boyfriend) - Biggest pussy of the night. He looks like a World of Warcraft kind of guy.
Sarah - Greg, let's make out!
Ryan - I'm on the last stage, wait! Do you know how hard it is to beat the magical wizard!?
A man is cursing at your girlfriend, calling her names, disrespecting her...and you're just gonna wipe your eyes for 5 minutes and act like a bitch?
I get that you just woke up from a nap. It doesn't take a person that long to wipe their eyes. Bitch move #1.
You never stopped Greg when he kept telling Sarah to shut up. Bitch move #2
If you're being the bigger man and taking the high road...I commend you. That's big of you. But even Gandhi would have slapped the fiyah out of Greg's mouth if he heard him call his girlfriend a bitch.
You're not on the show, your girlfriend is. So the argument for getting kicked out of the show for fighting is out the window. You had no reason not to stand up for your woman. Bitch move #4.
I can't imagine another guy talking shit to my girlfriend right in front of me. Unbelievable.
All these muscles (except for Ryan) and no balls. All bark and no bite.
Don't even get me started with the females. This post will be never ending. Why do insecure females call better looking women whores? Why is that? Are we upset because the man you have a crush on likes another (better looking) female? Awww, that's cute. But don't go around calling them whores. Get over yourself.
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I like pranks. Who doesn't? Well apparently my co-worker does not.
It use to be just the 3 of us (we could make it if we try) when our office was located on the 3rd floor. The three of us consist of myself, another male and a female. We'll call them Saunder and Becky.
I suggest pulling a prank on Becky to Saunder (he loved the idea) some time ago while she's gone on vacation. I wanted to put sticky notes all over her desk...you know...stupid small stuff. But the small stuff lead to this:
We did the following:
- Hid her plants, vanity mirror (Saunder's idea), and desk figurines
- Disassemble her chair (Saunder's idea)
- Outlined her work area with caution tape
- Disconnected her mouse and keyboard(Saund
- We left a note on her chair but I don't remember what it said
- Connected a bunch of paper clips to create a hanging loop and taped them alongside the bottom of her desk
Two things of note:
1. Pay attention to the pictures (click to enlarge). She hated her name plate. She always kept it inside one of her desk drawers. We took out the name plate and taped it to her desk.
2. She has a dog named Toby who is like a son to her. She loves him dearly. We hung her stuffed toy dog from the ceiling over her desk. I must admit...that was kind of cruel. Could you imagine if we would have left the sticky note that said R.I.P attached to the toy? That wouldve earned us a kick in the groin or two.
What did she do when she came back from vacation? She cried. I'm glad I came in late. I didn't see her wrath, I didn't experience it. This is what happened when I came in:
Boss - I'm disappointed in you guys.
Me - What happened?
Boss - You made her cry; she's pissed.
Me - ...Umm...Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss - No..
We put everything back. She was pretty upset but eventually she got over it.
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There are two types of people that are voting for Hillary Clinton throughout the primary season. Below are examples of the types of individuals:
I don’t care what she supports, we need a woman as POTUS! Go Hillary!
My democratic vote sure isn't going to no coon! Go Hillary!
The demise of our country will continue as soon as Barack Obama is named the democratic candidate for presidency. Most of the democratic Hillary voters will vote McCain in spite of Obama. And we all know what that means.
I hope I'm wrong, I really do. I suggest you develop a jump shot or come up with a get rich quick scheme because you're SOL if you depend on a country that's ran by John McCain.
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People make mistakes, we’re all human.
Odell Thurman made a mistake a few years ago. He had some drinks and decided to drive home. He was one of the unlucky ones (people drive intoxicated all the time) that was pulled over by a cop. I’m not saying driving drunk is acceptable. I’m just saying that it happens. Trust me. Wink wink.
Odell is an admitted alcoholic. I think that’s a positive because at least he admits he had a problem. He was suspended twice by the NFL for his alcoholism woes. The first time was a given but the second time was pretty petty.
Any who, he was reinstated by the NFL in January of this year. Everything was looking up for Thurman…until yesterday. He was released from the Cincinnati Bengals for not showing up to a VOLUNTARY team practice. He was cut for not showing up to a practice in May. MAY.
Some of you might ask, 'why didn’t he show up to practice?' Why? Because his grandmother passed away. That's why. He took a week off to grieve. That is some cold shit.
I feel for guys like Thurman because of the struggles they went through in life. His mother dead at 10 and was raised by his grandmother in a household of 20 people in poverty. Just making it to the NFL was a blessing all on its own not to mention getting an education from the University of Georgia. The man has tremendous heart and I'm not ready to kick him out of the league after one or two faults.
There are far worst people in the NFL and Thurman did not deserve to be cut. He’ll have the last laugh.
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I enjoy the simple things in life. I spent about 4 hours last night playing this with a bunch of grown men:
This is what we do. We don’t tote guns and rob liquor stores. We play sports and hang out. We don't look for trouble and cite riots. We play Smash Brothers and Mario Kart on Nintendo 64, yes, N64. I guess we could all purchase Wii's or PS3's but the integrity isnt the same. We all get that nostalgic feeling whenever we're not playing the N64.
I took some time off from work and came back this morning to this:
It might not look like much to the average person but coming from a guy that dealt with this for the past two years:
It’s awesome.
I've had a 1972 phone ever since I started working for my employer while everyone else had ATLEAST a phone that had a hold fucntion. I work for the government, not google. I don't get cool toys like this:
I thought it was some sort of 'hazing the new guy' phase I had to go through but apparently not. I had maybe the worst phone in Miami. And now? Now I have a hold button...and we are pleased. Now I have caller ID and voicemail, we are very amused. It took me about 10 minutes to set my voicemail because I had to remember that it's not a toy.
The little things people, they matter. They matter to me atleast.
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There is no significance to this post. I just wanted to share with everyone how hot Mila Kunis is (just in case anyone was unaware). Did you know Mila has two different eye colors? That's fucking weird...but I like it.
The stuff beautiful women can get away with. It's Amazing. Could you imagine some not so attractive