Why was I such a dick?
Why couldn't I give a little more?
I'm sorry for treating you like shit.
I'm sorry for not spending more time with your family. Yes, your mother is a bitch but I should have just compromised and kept my mouth shut. You cared so much for my parents and I could careless about yours. My mother loved you. My dad loved you. I never seen him so genuine with another girlfriend of mine. I feel stupid for what i've done.
I'm sorry for letting my anger ruin certain moments. It's incredibly easy to just let it go but I never did. So many good times that could have been great.
I'm sorry for hanging out with females certain times out of a week and never telling you. You would have NEVER done that to me and I feel pretty ridiculous right now for doing that to you. Honesty is key and I wasn't at all.
I'm sorry for making you cry all those times. You definitely didn't deserve any of them. Especially when you dropped me off for my dentist appointment. I don't know who that guy is but it certainly wasn't me.
I'm sorry for not giving you the emotional attention you wanted at certain times. How much easier could things have been if i'd just held your hand that time, hugged you or sat next to you when you wanted. How hard is it to stay an extra 5 minutes outside your house? Why was I in such a rush to leave?
Our biggest problem was that you cared so much about me. You didn't cheat on me, you didn't have bad habits, you didn't neglect me, you didn't lie to me, you weren't selfish, no. You genuinely cared for me, you'd text me throughout the work day, you'd call me when i'd ask you to after work, you'd want to come over all the time. Our biggest problem was how I couldn't get over the fact that someone out there is actually willing to spend all of their time with me.
Do you know how sad it is for your own mother to tell your girlfriend to end the relationship because her son is an asshole?
I'm sorry for making you feel like everything I ever told you was a lie. It wasn't a lie.
I made you feel shitty for loving me.
I knew all about your abandonment issues yet I made things worst for you in the end.
It's terrible that the good times will be overshadowed by the bad.
I'm sorry for never apologizing.
I hope you do find someone better than that guy who you use to be with. I don't know who that guy is. I feel brainwashed when I think of it. I don't want forgiveness, I just want something better for you.
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43 comments:
Never heard a guy [say] that before.
Maybe you're not such a "bad guy" after all ;)
I don't want forgiveness, I just want something better for you.
Quick Question:
Don't you feel like that's a cop-out? Unless the situation proves otherwise, why do say it like the damage is already done, you can't clean up the mess and theirs no way around it?
Not bad, just stupid.
The damage can't be undone because it's been way too long. I also heard she has moved on a little while back. I just want her to be happy. And happiness seems to be her current state from what I hear from a birdie. Why complicate that? I just have to live with my mistakes and make sure I never let one slip through again.
I let it out in blogger because I feel like it's been driving me crazy for the longest. I never told anyone (including her) about our situation. I just had to let it out.
It's a good thing that she moved on and that you were able to come to terms about it.
I just thought you left it hanging in the balance and/or left her hanging. People tend to do that and it's annoying. You mention a lot about how thing could be "incredibly easy" to do yet you still didn't at the time. Why?
I never understood that.
Can it really just be stupidity? Is it egotistical? A Dominative-Defect? Hmmm.
I get so much slack about how "ask for too much too often", when in truth it's the little things similar to what you mentioned.
"Give me a hug! Not a hummer!" -Geez!
Lol.
I think others will be feeling your pain soon enough.
Classic example:
This one time we were in West Palm Beach for the weekend. I sat on a love seat and she sat on the big comfy couch. She said to go sit with her. I made a big deal of how we have been together for the entire weekend and blah blah blah. So stupid. Monumentally stupid. I seriously look back and think wtf was wrong with me. And it's not because I'm alone and blah blah no...I feel like I lived two lives.
Moving over to the comfy couch with my gf that loves me. How hard of a task was that? It's not like she asked my to slay a vampire.
Men are retards.
Yuppers.
Funny thing about it: You probably would have jumped at the chance to slay the vampire. ;)
Game plan for men: For Love & Attention, you must include sex, violence, cars & sports.
- Amen
But to be fair, I can understand a situation where the female shows Love but to the point where it suffocates the man. Poor guy.
Clingy chicks lack confidence. And confidence is sexy. So go figure.
Not saying that the girl in question is all-consuming or clingy, just a [note] to the author :)
I guess I learned something throughout all this yet it feels like I havent.
Like...I know you never treat someone the way I treated her. I know this, I knew this. But why did I do it? That me and current me are two different extremes to me. I really do feel as if I was brainwashed during the middle period of our relationship up until the end.
In Cruzifer's words, Fack it.
I've done some unreasonable acts of stupidity myself. Once or twice.
Who am I kidding? :p
No seriously, I made a big deal out of some of your statements and tried calling it quits because I thought FC was who he hung out with.
And I mean a BIG deal.
Eh.
But you know what...i'll accept the clinginess with opens arms right now! If that's the worst part of our relationship then i'm in great shape. My girl wants to be with me all the time...sweet. Girls (no offense, not all) are lying, backstabbing whores that don't know what they want in life. I had one who was none of that.
Eh.
Sounds like you were either taking frustrations on a past relationship out on her or making her pay for Loving you in a way you knew you didn't or couldn't ever Love her.
I used to beat FC up for being more Loyal and Respectful of me than I could have fathomed being for him [at the time]. It was so annoying to have someone be there for me in that way that I made him pay for not being there before when I needed him more.
Kinda crazy, huh?
Sounds like a Dr. Phil episode but yeah, I think it branches off of reverse psychology and bi-polarness. ;)
I don't believe you are who you hang with but then again thats me. If that was so then i'd be pretty ignorant lol oops. I'm glad those 'friends' don't read my blog. I'm an asshole. Karma will make me pay for what i've done to my ex. Fack it. Life goes on, I just needed to get this out of me.
Eh.
Girls (no offense, not all) are lying, backstabbing whores that don't know what they want in life.
- I second that.
So are men, save for the fact that they more or less know what they want. Beer, football, and babes.
Am I right? ;)
At first, I went with the notion of not getting close and all that hoopla. I got burned by an ex in the past and declared to myself that it will never happen again.
But me and this chick were together for a long time, much longer than any other relationship. Enough time for me to 'get over' whatever i needed to get over. I had no excuse. What a bum.
Agh!
Now I feel like a monster. :(
^typical female to take something and make it more than it is. I swear some women feel like the world revolves around them.
That or they feel like they have a sub-world on Earth that no one understands the anguish of. Emotional little creatures.
men should call us "Emotichicks" instead of emoticons.
-Kinda has a ring to it. :D
* you aren't who you hang with but by choosing to hang with people that are ignorant, a tint of ignorance befalls you as a person in others eyes because you knew they were like that and yet STILL chose to befriend them. Shame on people like that (me por ejemplo).
Thought I could clear that up a lil. :)
Not so much beer, depends the mood ; )
lol j/k
Thats exactly what I never understood about men and just gave up alltogether understanding. When it all boils down men are from mars. Like the planet you just can't give them too much attention or they will sell you short.
" you aren't who you hang with but by choosing to hang with people that are ignorant, a tint of ignorance befalls you as a person in others eyes because you knew they were like that and yet STILL chose to befriend them. Shame on people like that (me por ejemplo). " ---yea but they are good people that I met during my younger days. It would be another asshole characteristic of mine on display if I x them out as well.
I think what you're trying to say, you little blog phrase thief you, is that if you give a man too much leeway, he'll get lazy. Like women do, but being the smarter sex ;), we have the common courtesy to keep that under control. You give a man too much attention, his for you will diminish. Like everything else you put on a platter for him.
I just don't think that's the case with Cruz, unless he's different in relationships, because he's always had the courtesy to think of others before himself.
Si I don't know.
I hope people don't assume that this is the way I treat all women. I f-ed up and admit it. But that was the past and i'd never treat a respectable woman that way ever again.
Whoa wait, I was just stating that example. Not asking anyone to "x" anyone out. Lol :)
If I'm on the wrong page, let me know, I don't think that (in the case of my 1st comment regarding thsi topic) that either you or Mike are ignorant at least not in the way were we'd characterize you as that. It MAY be a "fleeting flaw" for him sometimes).
Oh okay. Just saying because I hear so many men say they messed up but not really the way you wrote it and Id be an idiot to think someone who wrote a post stating otherwise would make the same mistake again.
btw, Cooky McCain was my way of being sarcastic lol
"I think what you're trying to say, you little blog phrase thief you, is that if you give a man too much leeway, he'll get lazy. Like women do, but being the smarter sex ;), we have the common courtesy to keep that under control. You give a man too much attention, his for you will diminish. Like everything else you put on a platter for him.
I just don't think that's the case with Cruz, unless he's different in relationships, because he's always had the courtesy to think of others before himself.
Si I don't know." --I really don't know either. My mom and I finally talked about it a while back after a good few months passed by and she made me feel just about as big as an ant. Mothers know how to make a person depressed let me tell ya! lol. But then again...I did the damage and she's just pointing it out.
I, me, I hear so many men cry about being sorry yet if given the chance they'll fuck up again and I hate those guys who do that. I don't wish I could go back but a part of me would like to in order to treat her the way she should have been treated.
Lia - I thought you were serious about McCain, sorry ; )
GILR POWER! ;]
You get major kudos for that.
But for the McCain comment, Im voting for Crazy Clinton, how you like that? Wanna hear more of her "war" stories? How she can turn a pea shooter into a cannon in her imagination? Would you like that?? Didnt think so. Back off bud. I bite ;]
What if I like being bitten?
Where is Nader when you need him? Damn it!
You two suc.
You have three options:
1. Send her an e-card and get on with it.
2. Date a devious dominatrix and have her tie you up and beat you. Take pics. Make sure she sees them. call it [devious] day.
3. Don't reply so we get the point that it's just a "getting it off my mind" post so we'll see that there's was nothing left to do.
:p
lol Nader is already planning his 2012 campaign. his self esteem has diminished these past 5 times.
hey 6 times could be a charm ;p
No, Nader just slipped out of the local bar, threw on his coat, and is Chasing some Cloochie (Clinton-Coochie).
Somehow I deem it important to throw a little sexual harassment in the campaign.
It wouldn't feel right otherwise, am I right? ;)
so right. good post. left me feeling hopeful towards mankind. :p bye bye.
aww...I was hoping to see some devious dominatrix pics! ;)
CLOSURE!!!!
My friend, reading this post reminds me of so many conversations we had before it went sour with her. I have always been one to say that we at times are in battle between our hearts vs. our minds. I think the problem is that one always out beats the other, until we learn to balance each of the two out. In doing so we learn when to use our heart and when not to use our mind and when to use our mind and not our hearts; somewhere along the line we even learn when to use a combination of the two. The bottom line is that our heart can deceive us, and we at times use or thoughts/minds to lie to ourselves. Perhaps thats what you did, you tried to trick yourself into thinking that it was not going to work out between the two of you, until your thoughts finally became a reality. I feel as though I went off on a tangent, but I know you know what I mean!
I don't want to sound cliche but its true what they say when one door closes another one opens and if you look at the closed door long enough you miss out on all the other doors that have opened. I am not saying go for whatever door opens first, but be wise in the door you decide to enter into. And I am a very firm believer that "lo que esta pa ti nadie te lo quita"
As I always tell my friends, what did you learn from this whole situation? If you learned nothing you are foolish, and I know you are not! Take what you have learned with you as you enter into the next door, so you do not comit the same mistakes twice!
You can not undue what has been done but you can, "...accept the things you can not change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference." -Serenity Prayer!
Oh and YES men are retards...Sometimes!!!
Thanks for asking me read, I am inspired =)
I wrote a book!
I don't want to hear "BLOG" for at least a month!
You know what's funny is that I could have written so much more...
"Perhaps thats what you did, you tried to trick yourself into thinking that it was not going to work out between the two of you, until your thoughts finally became a reality. "-eh.
BTW Melissa, you are so going to be my shrink. Prepare yourself.
"lo que esta pa ti nadie te lo quita" - aymeng! (amen ;)
wow... im surprised you put this out there.. most men well all men that ive known have never admit to something like this... men should be more like cruz! hes the man! lol..
I wanna cry
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