No goose if you don't get loose

I just had the most amazing weekend ever. It was filled with drugs, sex, midgets, and money. Ok two of those four are lies. The opening line is a lie too, my weekend sucked. I became an alcoholic, had an intervention, and conquered alcoholism all in a 3 day span!
It began Friday night. I finished some business I had to take care of and needed a drink. We were out of Sunny Delight so I chose the next best thing: Goose.A sip led to a gulp and that led to me making it rain on myself. Yes, myself. I love this stuff more than Russians do.

I went to a little event on Saturday morning and guess what I had for breakfast? Eggo Waffles. You thought I was going to say Grey Goose, didn’t you? Come on now. I’m not that much of a drunk. I had it for lunch.

My mother asked to borrow some money so I told her to go ahead and get it from my secret stash in my room. Disclaimer: for those bloggers who has been to my home: I have no secret stash, don’t bother looking. I’ll stab you if you do.

So she goes into my room and finds an empty bottle of Goose. Great.

I get home later that Saturday to a living room filled with holy Christians. My mother actually set up a prayer session for me. She said quote, “I know you’re fighting with a lot of demons and we want you to know that we love you”. Very touchy moment. But demons? I mean I like Angel just as much as the next guy but those are the only demons in my life. Well they used to be in my life. I’m pretty sure the show was canceled years ago. I'm also pretty sure that I was the only guy to like that show.

Anyway, they gathered around me in a circle and began to pray. This one guy touched my shoulder and began yelling and I’m thinking goodness gracious...are they performing an exorcism on me? They all had their eyes shut and I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid in my life. But the praying and chanting stopped and I went to take a shower (good shower might I add).

I went to sleep and dreamt that I gave myself a mohawk. I don’t know what that symbolizes but I woke up and lost the need for alcohol.

This post has a bunch of exaggeration so believe with caution.

Happy Monday, biatches.