Remember this?
Apparently this happens in real life...kind of.
So i'm at a lounge last night chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool. I'm drinking like a fish. Wait a second. Do fish drink water? Someone please google it and let me know, thanks.
Where was I? Oh yea I was drinking like Carmelo Anthony. I needed to pay the water bill so I ran (power walked) to the rest room. There are 9 urinals in the men's room and 4 enclosed toilets. Counting from left to right, I went to urinal #2. I unzip and...ahhh. Priceless. Is there a better feeling than that release?
Anyway, so I'm letting it out and some guy walks in coughing and hawks up a loogie and spits it into the trash. Then guess where he goes to take a piss? Urinal number fucking 3. I kept cool and put a nasty frown on my face. The kind when:
-you're stuck behind someone at a toll booth who doesn't have a quarter and you have to wait for the toll lady to take down all their information.
-a cop pulls you over for being a minority in a bad neighborhood.
- back in 1994 you'd go to blockbuster to check out a new movie release...and it was fucking rented out. No more copies. How bad did you hate that?
Me - Dude! Blockbuster has Angels in the Outfield!
Friend - Sweeeeeeeet! Let's go!
Me [notices that they're out] - Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! Let's burn this motherfucker down!
So I basically hugged the urinal until I finished urinating. As I walked over to wash my hands the guy says, "Hey-you know what time it is?" Fuck you, men don't speak to each in empty restrooms, OK? Wait until we're both outside and then you ask for the time. Ask me whatever you want outside, ask for the weather, who is the Dalai Lama, I don't know...a fucking algebraic equation. Just don't ask me inside the restroom unless we're both waiting to wash/dry our hands. be kind to the environment, dry your hands ; )
Happy Earth Day. Now go hug a tree.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
This blog made all my frustrations better, at least for the moment. I dont believe women get that same feeling of 'release', but if there is no better feeling in your opinion, than I pity your wife..and children. j/k.
moving along, you are hilarious.
But you already knew that and i must ask out of sheer 'besidesthepointness' did you give the guy the time?
happy earth day, glad to see you contributed :)
I like this post. I didnt know that men had certain rules and regulations regarding their bathroom manner. ;]
As for the fish, I Yahoo'ed it he he:
The answer to this question differs, depending on whether you're talking about saltwater fish or freshwater fish.
Freshwater fish do not actively drink water, but absorb the water through their skin and gills. On the other hand, saltwater fish do actively drink sea water. Their gills process the water and take out the salt.
The salmon is an interesting example of a fish that lives in both fresh and salt water, and consequently, they have the characteristics of both types of fish. Salmon are born in fresh water, and migrate to the ocean. While living in the ocean, they drink saltwater by opening their mouth; their gills then rid their bodies of the salt and minerals. When the salmon enters freshwater streams to spawn, they stop drinking the water and instead absorb it through osmosis (osmosis means that the water passes through the cells of the fish's skin into its body).
Whoa, I think you'll never look at salmon the same again, or water I might add. You will probably look at the little guy on your dinner plate and feel his pain for all that filtering he had to go through. Or better yet, you might just take a live one and dip him into fresh/salt water simultaneously to see him squirm and flip the script like a bi-sexual. "oooh, I like fresh water, NO I like salt water".
Or even better, you may not care at all, what do you care if fish drank water? Even if they did I doubt you were drinking like a fish. That would be stupid. Fish live in water, they're sick of it. By no means whatsoever is that the equivalent of you drowning down alcohol. I doubt guppies gulp down h2O.
Wow, I'm mean.
I missed blogger :)
And what's wrong with hugging tree's anyway? It's better than hugging the urinal. I never understood why you men have to be so macho. So what if Mr. Phlegm decides that out of all the other spaced out urinals he decides to cop the one with the view closest to you? I say you embrace your manhood and jiggle it. ;)
Happy Earth Day.
Lia - My wife and children aren't happy with you. I told him, "no watch, dude" and kept it moving.
Helene - yes, we do have rules. No speaking and touching whatsoever. And thanks for the info, I guess we do learn something new everyday.
SC - The word osmosis will stick with me every time I order salmon from now on. I think I'll educate my waiter. Men (straight) don't like other men looking at their penis, k? Nothing is wrong with hugging trees. I love hugging trees. But then it gets too intimate and I scare people off.
SUBTERFUGE IS THE BEZST BLOG OUT..._PERIOD_
SUBTERFUGE IS THE BEZST BLOG OUT..._PERIOD_
If you didn't know, now you know.
I just understood the meaning behind "Osmosis Jones", assuming that he absorbed the sickness, like salmon absorb water.
I am a smart cookie.
The uncrumbable one.
yeah, I like that :)
the post is mad funny. the salmon breakdown is too. ;] i kind of feel their pain. I think that men have unnecessary rules and regulations to keep up that whole "no homo" vibe they give off. its so funny watching them try to be so macho. i feel like a lil girl giggling with my friends when i sit back on the beach watching men try to look as hard as possible when theyre with their friends at a distance in their beach shorts. trying to make as little skin contact as possible while us beach babes are strolled out on our towels slapping asses and poking breasts without a care in the world. We dont have to worry so much about how things look, and if they do look a certain way and people talk we are still sexy at the end of the end of the day, not stupid. Men feel stupid. we like that :]
and miss mc is mad late.
we all knew subterfuge kicked bbbyi's ass. ha ha ;] just kidding. bbbyi had a bipolar dysorder from what i hear.
but this whole osmosis thing is going to stick with me, i guess you really do learn something new everyday. :p
Post a Comment