Wake up, bitches

I’m a morning person. The rest of the world is not apparently. You have to wake up at 6am to get to work? Aww! Poor baby! Somebody cut this guy some slack! Cutting slack. This term has always fascinated me. This is what goes on in my head when I hear, “Cut him/her some slack”...

[I walk into an elementary school-like cafeteria]

Cafeteria lady – Good day, Mr. Cruz!
Me – Hello, Pam!
Cafeteria lady – Look at you, looking all handsome and what not!
Me [blushing] – oh stop it!
Me – What’s on the menu today?
Cafeteria lady – some lovely slack
Me – can you cut me some?
Cafeteria lady - I don’t know….can I?

[Both laugh hysterically]

Ok enough of that. So I’m driving along listening to my music (ATB – Ecstasy) and stop at a red light. It wasn’t full blast but you could definitely hear it if you weren’t listening to music. A guy next to me looks at me as if saying, “It’s too early for that shit, TURN IT OFF!” But you know what bud? Too fucking bad! It’s not too early for me! I’ll blast Elton John at whatever fucking time I want! Or maybe the look the guy gave me was more of a, “Dude…the fuck are you listening to?”.

Green light, time to boogie. I made a pit stop at a 7/11 and everyone in the store hates life except for me. I held the door open for a lady (being all gentlemen like) and she didn’t even say thank you. I don’t even think she knew what today’s date is. I gave her a mental fuck you and went to over to get a red bull. That was a lie. I hate red bull. I went over to the beverage section and got myself a 40 oz. Schlitz Malt Liquor. That was a lie too. I got an orange juice, ok? Dangerous, eh? That’s all me, baby. Fuego.

I boogie (word of the day) over to pay for my OJ and the guy behind the counter looks like a zombie. Something like this:


But minus the blood and he was black, not white. And he didn’t have a suit on. And…ok you get the picture. I hope.

I’m in my own perky world this morning…alone. Does anyone care to join me?